MarlowHistoricalSociety.org

[Loisanne Foster]

Here are our MPR "Marlow Public Radio" skits performed in December at Marlow's Jones Hall for the entertainment of the community: 2006, 2007, and 2008. They are part of a larger radio program with music and readings. Although, because real Marlow residents, historic and living, appear as characters, these skits are no doubt funnier to Marlow folks who can catch all the references, but we are told that they are also pretty funny to those who know nothing of Marlow, so feel welcome to enjoy them!

We hope the deceased would not be offended with the fun we had writing the radio ads. We used only the three (asterisked*) in 2006 and others later, but created extras for fun and decided to share them with you below. Following that, we share a special Marlow Christmas story featuring Marlow folks we know. Then we have the skit version. Following that are the skits from 2007 and 2008. Enjoy!


*Tubbs Tiny Tablets

Are you running out of energy shoveling from the house to the barn? Do you need a little boost to hoe that last row of corn? Take two Tubbs Tiny Tablets and find energy to clear another acre. Available at Fiske’s Pretty Good Grocery in downtown Marlow.

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Elgin’s Elixir

In this rural community where Philadelphia and Boston are days away by coach, do you feel far away from from the social and political centers of the world? Do you feel that nothing of consequence happens in your life? Take a drought of Elgin’s Elixir and instantly find yourself important and the center of your own universe.

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*Huntley’s Hound Drops

Do your hounds try to tree rabbits? Do they arrive home from the hunt hours after you are abed? Invest in Huntley’s Hound Drops. Put a drop on the nose of each hound before the hunt, and they will tend to business and arrive at home about when you do.
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Mack’s Mighty Midgets

A small, but wise investment in the future: These tiny tablets will ensure that you will populate the land like Father Abraham with prosperous children.

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Burnap’s Nappies

Ladies, forget the diaper pail! We have right here in Marlow the nation’s first diaper service. Burnap’s teamsters will deliver fresh on Tuesday and collect the used on Saturday. The used diapers will go into the river along with tons of sawdust, trees marked with lead paint, and tannery waste. You will never soil your hands again!

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Perkins Jerkins

For a pickle that is really a pickle, for a pickle that will make you sit up straight, for a pickle that will send company packing, buy Perkins Jerkins. And save some for health measures. Perkins Jerkins are sure to clear the head and throat. Three dollars a barrel at Perkin’s Store.

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Jay and Abbie Allen Jars

These jars have a special seal that allows the user to preserve the good qualities of a marriage such as humor, teamwork, and loyalty. Don’t let that most important relationship grow stale. Buy Jay and Abbie Allen Jars and preserve what really matters.

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*Baker’s Corners

At thirty-five, could Helen Trent find happiness in a small town? Yes! If you want to get a corner on rural happiness, buy Baker’s Corners. Originally invented when Cora Baker burned the brownies and cut off the corners, these crispy chocolate treats can buy true happiness.

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Golly Gees (two hard g’s)

Marlow is a quiet place with plenty of time to think, so Amanda Gee thought and invented some dandy candy. These cinnamon bits are economical, so rock hard that one bag will last from Christmas until July. Drop by Gee’s Mill and pick up a bag of Golly Gees.

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Giffin Helm

Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune got you down? Don’t take it any more! Arm yourself with the Giffin Helm. It’s guaranteed to keep you safe, especially during migrations west, and covers about everything. Protect yourself from dangers of all kinds. Buy a Giffin Helm today.
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Squilch

Are you overcome with the desire to cut perfectly good lengths of cloth into tiny pieces and sew them back together at odd angles, using precious hours making quilts? You need Squilch. Just two teaspoons a day for several weeks will get you off quilts forever. Act now! Sponsored by the Marlow Ladies’ Anti-Quilting Society.

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Wetland Flood Insurance

If you live in Marlow, but not on a hill, you need us. If your ankles are wet, you need Wetland Flood Insurance. Here is our simple, one-size-fits-all, neighborly Flood Insurance policy: You give us your paycheck. We will return a small allowance and insure your property. Sponsored by Samuel, Incorporated. Think of US as your favorite uncle.

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Cure by Stages

Are 15,000 sheep, each with a different “Baaa,” getting on your nerves? Are you a victim of Marlow’s bucolic colic? You need a breath of fresh air! Take the 9:00 A.M. stage to Concord on Tuesday and return by the next stage at 5:00 PM on Saturday. A change of scene is good for health. Take our cure by stages. Aunt Zilla went and felt better as soon as she bought a new hat. Reserve your space now on Tuesday’s stage.

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Cora Shepardson’s Corn Silk Smoke Detectors

Do you know where your children are right now? Are they stacking wood, or are they behind the barn smoking dried corn tassels? Buy Cora Shepardson’s Corn Silk Smoke Detectors, litmus paper strips. Once exposed to the air, a strip will turn pink if there has been corn silk smoke nearby. “Don’t forget,” Cora says, “I chaperone dances, and I know what goes on. Don’t wait. Talk to your children about the dangers of corn silk now.”

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Symonds’ Loom-Looney Lunettes

Do those repeated motions and regular thuds of the loom drive you mad? Is the loom warping your humor? Symond’s rose-colored Loom-Looney Lunettes should calm your nerves. They might also help out at Society Teas. Try Loom-Looney Lunettes today!

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New Use for the Granite State Evaporator

Marlow ingenuity does it again! Be the first in your neighborhood to use Perley Fox Maple Soap and smell sweet for the dance. After you have made all the maple sugar you need for the season with his Granite State Evaporator, add lye and tallow to the remainder in the pan. Boil and stir. Turn out, cool, and cut into bars. After rinsing the pan, you’ll have a clean evaporator ready for next year.

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Edgewood Park Picnic Basket

Buy the Edgewood Park Picnic Basket for those special outings. This basket stows neatly under a buggy seat, but it’s roomy enough for picnic blanket, bear bells for everyone, generous containers of fried chicken and potato salad, and the battery powered expresso machine, with a special inset for items of personal necessity. Don’t be caught short on a Sunday picnic. Purchase your Edgewood Picnic Basket at Joslin’s General Store.

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Grassy Brook Cast Iron Fishing Pole

Grassy Brook Cast Iron Fishing Pole is a remarkable invention of Roddy Andrews. The cast iron is worth the carry. It has the smithy magic to enlarge those teeny, tiny trout we catch in Marlow to respectable dinner size on the way home. Find this fisherman’s dream at Roddy’s Rod and Blacksmith Shop, and you’ll always have the answer to, “What’s for dinner?”

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Comstock Corn Starch

Ladies! When you want cornstarch pudding, no more intensive labor for you! No need to grow the corn. No need to grind, boil, sieve, and dry the fine mash to powder. When you need cornstarch, just reach for the silver tin with “Comstock Corn Starch” on the label. Unless you tell, your neighbors will never know.

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Bethuel Miller’s Uni-sex Corset with Genuine Bone Stays

Got integrity? Or has it been slipping away? If you need to stiffen your backbone, buy our Bethuel Miller Uni-sex Corset with Genuine Bone Stays. Support your backbone. Buy Miller’s Corset today and stand up to be counted.

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Ebenezer’s Wheezer Freezer

Freeze that wheeze before it puts you flat on your back. It’s too early to join your friends off Jay Allen Road. Remember, those cows still have to be milked. Take Ebenezer’s Wheezer Freezer with black pond ice and a little honey. Feel like a new man!

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*Robbin’s Bobbins

Robbin’s Bobbins get the job done. These efficient flywheel bobbins keep spinning, even when you take your foot off the treadle. Go turn the roast, take in the clothes, or diaper the baby, and when you return, Robbin’s Bobbin will still be doing you a good turn. Try one today!

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Uncle Harry Bulter’s Black Fly Ointment

Save your sanity this sprng. Get Uncle Harry Butler’s Black Fly Ointment with camphor, bear grease, penny royal, snake oil and Butler’s secret ingedient. Slather it on the whole family. Sold by the bucket at Fiske’s Pretty Good Grocery.

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Now, for the Marlow Christmas story. All right. It's not exactly historical yet, but in forty or fifty years it will be. Be patient. First is (more or less) the original version. Then follows the version shortened with the idea that we have to squeeze in between the tree lighting and pot luck and there are children in the audience who would appreciate a streamlined story. Also the final version is in dialogue for "Radio Show" performance.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marlow Christmas

(Here is the original story on which we based the skit.)
----

It was a typical Christmas season in southern New Hampshire, the sort of weather that makes us famous: snow, sleet, and freezing rain followed by the deep freeze that Marlow does so well. As the elves stood around the closed circuit television at the North Pole seeing who had been naughty or nice and making notes for Santa, they couldn’t help but notice the frigid weather in Marlow.

“The North Pole is a much better place,” Pooka pouted. “It’s cold, cold, cold here, but it just snows, and the snow is soft and light as downy feathers. It makes warm insulation. Besides, we have so much giving and love here that it helps keep us warm too.”

Timo, like all the other elves, wore a red suit with a green belt, pointy red shoes, and a pointy hat. He peered at the closed circuit television screen. “Who threw that icy snowball at Perkins School?” he asked bending over his notes.

“I’m not sure, but he came out of the third/fourth grade classroom, and he’s wearing a blue jacket with yellow letters,” said Sven as he squinted at the screen. “Well, gotta get back to finish the next 25,000 orders,” he said, and then he seemed to be only a little red streak buzzing around the toy shop.

Hannu was the one elf who didn’t seem perpetually cheerful. Not only was he in charge of quality control, but he also had the responsibility of Santa’s distribution list. Of course, Santa had veto power, but he generally relied on Hannu while he was busy with the children’s letters and supervision of toy production. “Keep and eye on that one. If he throws another hard snowball, be sure to find out his name and write it down,” said Hannu. “That boy was not only unkind, but what he did was dangerous.” Hannu was not smiling. His hands were black with coal dust.

“On the other hand,” Timo answered, look over there on Church Street. I see Doona Chase baking Christmas cookies, and Thom and Alex are both helping her.”

“One is helping by eating the broken cookies.”

“Well,” Timo giggled, “that is helping, isn’t it?”

“Oh, my! Look at those triplets over in the village playing together nicely and sharing. They are always full of ideas, aren’t they?”

“I hear the choir practicing over on Church Street. “Oh, Holy Night...” said Pooka.

“Someone is a little off.”

“Well,” she’s had a cold all week. “Let’s give her that extra box of chocolates for effort and sincerity.”

Tompte came riding in on his favorite reindeer. It was the most famous reindeer of all, Rudolph. Rudolph was getting a little gray in the fetlock and he wasn’t prancing or dancing, but he was stepping lightly around the huge piles of toys.

Rudolph said, “Christmas Eve is going to be exhausting. As usual, southern New Hampshire will be my last round and Marlow will be my last stop. I wish I could stay airborne all the while, but I need to keep bringing the sleigh down, and just look at that icy crust!

Rudolph sighed. “Do you know how tricky it is to stop a sleigh in midair and let it down gently on an icy rooftop with the whole team behind me? I have to make a steep descent into that little village of Marlow and sometimes the ice on Tin Shop Pond isn’t thick enough for a landing. Marlow Hill is the worst. All those families living in the woods! I have to go down at a 60 degree angle with that overloaded sleigh. It used to be easier. All the children got an orange, some chocolates and one toy - maybe a doll or a wagon. No more.”

“Maybe you could jettison the batteries,” Tompte suggested. “That must be the heaviest part.”

“Throw out the batteries?” exclaimed Rudolph in shock. “We can’t do that! We’d hear the Marlow children sobbing all the way to the North Pole saying, ‘My toys don’t work!’ Besides, Santa would never allow it.”

“Time was,” remarked Hannu, “that toys were not supposed to work. They just sat there until you did something with them, and, you know what? The children loved those toys.”

Rudolph’s eyes went back to the screen. “Oh, no! Now it is sleeting in Marlow. When the temperature drops, it will be murder on my hooves.”

“But, Rudolph, aren’t you magical like us?” asked Timo.

“Well, sure,” Rudolph answered, scratching his head on the red and white pole that ran from floor to ceiling, “but as you grow older, sometimes the magic of the season begins to wear a little thin. I’m not as young as I was.”

“Do you want to retire?” Hannu asked Rudolph.

Rudolph hesitated. “No,” he said thoughtfully. “I’m proud of my work, and I love seeing so many boys and girls get wonderful presents. Some of this is pretend, but there’s no pretend in the love and the gifts. They are real and the excitement is real. I don’t want to give it up. Thanks for asking.”
....

Marlow grew colder and colder and the ice grew harder and harder until Christmas Eve. It was quite late that night when Myles sat up in bed and called out, “What was that?” His Mom and Mimi were sleeping in nearby rooms.

“What was what?” asked Mimi, disturbed from her visions of sugar plums. Beth’s feet hit the floor.

“Well,” said Myles, “It went thunkity-thunkity-thunkity- zzzzzzzzzit- thunkity-thunkity-thunkity- sigh.”

“Must have been a branch in the wind,” said Mimi. Go back to sleep. You want Santa to come, don’t you?”

“But -” and Myles was asleep again already, and Beth tucked her feet back under the warm blankets.

What that had been was the sound of eight tiny reindeer and Rudolph hitting the Plotts’ icy roof, pawing to keep their footing, and sliding to the ground. Fortunately, they landed lightly because, as everyone knows except the Lapps, reindeer really can fly.

As Santa tried to reconnoiter, the hens cackled, a rooster crowed, and the goats bleated, but every human on Fox Hill was sound asleep.

For the first time in his long life, Santa was worried. He had always gotten all the presents into the Marlow homes before dawn. He didn’t want his eight reindeer and Rudolph to risk injury on those slippery roofs. The yards and driveways were skating rinks. Santa with his leather-soled boots couldn’t stand. He crawled over to his lead reindeer, locating him only by the light of his red nose, and pulled himself up by Rudolph’s halter.

“Can you do it for us, old buddy?” Santa asked.

A tear came to Rudolph’s eye and froze on his cheek. “I just can’t, Santa,” he said. “I gave it my all, but I just can’t land the team safely on these icy roofs.”

After a little conference, they decided to go sky-borne again and visit Joe Marcotte. A fire truck is made to go anywhere any time, and everyone knows what a great guy Joe Marcotte is. After all, his business is helping people in trouble. Maybe Joe could deliver the gifts with the fire truck. After he got over the initial shock of a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer on his front lawn, Joe thought he could help. He wanted to help, but then he remembered the State Regulations.

The regs were, after all, passed by the New Hampshire Legislature whose cry since the days of Governor Wentworth has been, “No new taxes,” and Joe thought, based on precedent, that the Regulations and the State would take a dim view of anyone spending money unnecessarily on children. A sleigh full of presents, some of which might run on computers and other forms of technology, is definitely a “frill.” So Joe went to get his book of regulations, but, all the while, he was thinking.

While he was thinking, he thought of Bridget. A donkey is an intelligent beast and certainly sure on its feet. Perhaps Bridget could guide the sleigh tonight around Marlow. “That bray is enough to melt ice,” Joe said. “Heck, it’s enough to melt steel.”

Santa thought Bridget would be worth a try. Donkeys are stubborn, but if one is on your side, there is no stopping her. Joe said, “I think we should stop in to see Rock. He’s the Moderator at Town Meeting and all. He controls the Recreation Fund, and he loves to do things for children. Involving him would make it official.” So, on their way to Bridget, they dropped in at Big Pond.

Prancer let out a little “Eeeek!” as they landed. The team skidded several yards, but leaned back and kept their feet. Rock awoke with a start and went to the window. “Gertie, you’re not going to believe this!” he hollered, and was out the door in a flash, sliding down to the pond.

After Joe Marcotte explained the problem and the plan, he added, “Rock, I think we should call a meeting of the Selectmen to help handle this emergency and make sure everything’s square.”

“Naw,” Rock said. “They’d have to deliberate, and we have no time to lose. Besides, if we use Bridget to pull Santa’s sleigh, it’s not really town business. It’s more family business.” He hitched up his suspenders and jumped in the sleigh. He was waving to Gertie when the team shot forward, nearly pitching him out, but he hung on.

Late Christmas Eve, Charlie Strickland was awakened by pounding on his door. Seeing Richard Rock and Joe Marcotte standing there with a ski poles in their hands for balance, Charlie, in his jammies, rushed outside. Naturally, he thought the house was on fire. When he coasted to a stop at the foot of the driveway, he saw the sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. “Now I know I’m dreaming,” he said. Charlie inched back up the icy incline, and Santa and Joe explained their plan.

“Just let me get decent,” Charlie said and disappeared back into the house. Soon they were all in the barn explaining the problem to Bridget. Bridget was a bit surprised to see other hoofed creatures, but she could see they were exhausted and hungry, and, in the spirit of the season, shared her hay and even the carrots Charlie brought out for the lot of them.

Bucky appeared, knuckling his eyes, to see what the commotion was about. When he understood the problem, he said, “Santa, you’ve had a long night already. I know these parts. I know where all the children live. Just give me the list. You just go on over to my house, and Barbara will have some hot chocolate and cookies and a hug for you.” He could see that Santa was weakening. “Besides,” Bucky said with a wink, “I already know who has been naughty or nice.”

Santa hesitated. “That way,” Bucky added, “you can be nearby to reassure the reindeer now and then. As soon as we bring back the sleigh, your team will be rested and ready to go. “All right,” Santa said. “You’ve got a deal. ”

“Maybe I should go along to keep an eye on Bridget,” Charlie suggested.

“Good idea!” Santa and Bucky said in unison.

“I’ll go with Santa to play host,” Rock said.

“Don’t you worry, Santa,” Bucky added. “We’ll all do fine.”

“Oh, I’m not worried,” said Santa. “I’ve always known that good community-spirited people can work magic.”

Timo, always the joker, popped up from the pile of presents on the back of the sleigh and chortled, “So Marlow is going to have a Bucky White Christmas.”

Bridget was fresh and excited. She felt sure she could keep her footing, and, if she had to, she could bray to melt the ice underfoot. She allowed herself to be hitched to Santa’s sleigh and cheerfully set off on her new adventure with Bucky driving and Charlie riding buckseat whispering encouraging words to Bridget. On Baine Road and Washington Pond Road, on Fox Hill and Marlow Hill, on Gustin Pond Road, down by Stone Pond and all over town, many children and some adults who had kept their imaginations alive thought they heard jingle bells and a donkey bray on Christmas Eve. “Well,” Alecia thought, “a donkey does go along with the most important Christmas story,” and she too fell asleep.

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Now for the actual "Radio Broadcast" produced on Dec. 2nd, 2006 at Jones Hall.


A Marlow Christmas


Narrator: It was a typical Christmas season in the northeast corner of Cheshire County, with the sort of weather that makes it famous: snow, sleet, and freezing rain followed by the deep freeze that Marlow does so well.

Way up at the North Pole the light from Santa’s workshop shown across the snow and through that window you could see three elves standing around the closed circuit television that recorded who had been naughty or nice. They couldn’t help but notice the frigid weather in Marlow. Sven was a fast mover
and, when he walked he looked like a little red streak buzzing around the shop. Hannu was the one elf who didn’t seem cheerful for he had the responsibility of Santa’s distribution list. This time of year when his work lay heavy upon his shoulders he did not smile. His hands were black with coal dust. Timo, who giggled a lot, dressed like all the other elves. He wore a red suit with a green belt, pointy red shoes, and a pointy hat. A fourth elf, Trompte, helped with Santa’s team of reindeer and often rode on Rudolph’s back. This night he was working in the barn while the others were in the shop.

Timo peered intently at the monitor .....

Timo: “Who threw that icy snowball during recess at Perkins School?”

Sven: “I’m not sure, but he came out of the third/fourth grade classroom, and he’s wearing a blue jacket with yellow letters...Well, gotta get back to finish the next 25,000 orders,”

Hannu: “Keep an eye on that one. If he throws another hard snowball, find out his name and write it down. That boy was not only unkind, but what he did was dangerous.”

Timo: “On the other hand, look where all those lights are over on Church Street. I see Donna Chase baking Christmas cookies, and her boys are helping her. And she just finished setting up the Christmas Village at the Chapel!”

Sven: “Thom is eating the broken cookies.”

Timo : “Well, that is helping, isn’t it?” (giggling)

Narrator: Tompte came riding in on his favorite reindeer. Rudolph was getting a little gray in the fetlock and he wasn’t dancing or prancing, but he was stepping lightly around the huge piles of toys waiting to be delivered to all the boys and girls.

Rudolph: “This Christmas Eve is going to be tough. As usual, southern New Hampshire will be my last round, and Marlow will be my last stop. I wish I could stay airborne, but I need to keep bringing the sleigh down, and just look at that icy crust!”

Timo: “But it’s so pretty and glittery!”

Rudolph: “Do you know how tricky it is to bring sleigh down gently on (sighing) an icy rooftop with the whole team behind me? I have to make a steep descent into Marlow village. All those families living in the woods! I have to go down at a 60 degree angle with that overloaded sleigh. It used to be easier. All the children got an orange, some chocolates and one toy - maybe a doll or a wagon. No more.”

Tompte “Maybe you could jettison the AA batteries. That must be the heaviest part.”

Rudolph: “Throw out the batteries?” We can’t do that! We’d hear the (in shock) Marlow children sobbing all the way to the North Pole saying, ‘My toys don’t work!’ Besides, Santa would never allow it.”

Hannu: “Time was, that toys were not supposed to work. They just sat there until you did something with them, and, you know what? The children loved those toys.”

Narrator: Rudolph having warmed himself by the woodstove was now scratching his head on the red and white pole that ran from floor to ceiling He eyed the monitor screen and he didn’t like what he saw.

Rudolph: “Oh, no! Now it is sleeting in Marlow. When the temperature drops, it will be murder on my hooves.”

Timo: “But, Rudolph, aren’t you magical like us?”

Rudolph: “Well, sure,“but as you grow older, sometimes the magic of the season begins to wear a little thin. I’m not as young as I was.”

Jingling bells and the sound of whistling wind

Narrator: Marlow grew colder and the ice grew harder until Christmas Eve. It was late when six year old Myles sat up in bed and shouted to his Mom and his Mimi as they slept in the rooms nearby with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads.

Myles: “What was that?”

Mimi : “What was what? (groggy)

Myles: “Well....It went thunkity-thunkity-thunkity- zzzzzzzzzit-thunkity-thunkity-thunkity- sigh.”

Mimi : “Must have been a branch in the wind, Go back to sleep. You want Santa to come, don’t you?”

Myles: “But ........”

Narrator: Myles was asleep again, already.

What that had been was the sound of eight tiny reindeer and Rudolph hitting the Plotts’ icy roof, pawing (pawing) to keep their footing, and sliding (sliding) to the ground. Fortunately, they landed lightly ( sound) because, as everyone knows, except the Lapps, reindeer really can fly.

As Santa tried to reconnoiter, the hens cackled (hens), a rooster crowed (crowing), and the goats bleated (bleating), for everyone knows the animals talk on Christmas Eve. But the Plotts household was sound asleep.

For the first time in his long life, Santa was worried. He had always gotten all the presents into the Marlow homes before dawn. He didn’t want his reindeer to injure themselves on those slippery roofs. The yards and driveways were skating rinks. Santa with his leather-soled boots couldn’t stand. He crawled over to his lead reindeer, locating him only by the light of his red nose, and pulled himself up using Rudolph’s halter. Santa noticed the tear that fell from Rudolph’s eye and froze on his cheek.

Rudolph: “I can’t do it, Santa. I gave it my all, but I just can’t land the team safely on these icy roofs. What about Bridget?”

Narrator: Santa scratched his old gray head. Santa knew that a donkey is an intelligent and sure-footed. Perhaps Bridget could guide the sleigh tonight around Marlow. Her bray (bray) is enough to melt ice. Heck, it’s enough to melt steel. Santa thought Bridget would be worth a try.

When Charlie Strickland was awakened by pounding (pounding) on his door, he rushed outside. Naturally he thought the house was on fire and had almost called Joe Marcotte on his way out the door. When he coasted to a
stop at the foot of the driveway, he saw the sleigh and eight
tiny reindeer.

Charlie: “Now I know I’m dreaming,”

Narrator: Soon they were all in the barn explaining the problem to Bridget. Bridget was surprised to see the reindeer, but in the spirit of the season, shared her hay and even the carrots Charlie brought out.

Bucky , Charlie’s neighbor, who lives on yonder street, nearly 500 feet as the crow flies (caws, and flapping wings) appeared from out of the dark. When Charlie and Santa explained Santa predicament, Bucky knew the perfect solution, but Santa wasn’t quite sure

Bucky: “Santa, you’ve had a long night already. I know these parts. I know where all the children live. Just give me the list. You go on over to my house sit by the stove, and Barbara will have some milk and cookies for you. “That way,“you can stay nearby to comfort your reindeer. As soon as we bring back the sleigh, your team will be rested and ready to go.

Narrator: Santa was warming to the idea and finally agreed: warm stove, warm cookies, a frosty cold glass of milk, maybe even a short nap, and happy reindeer.

Charlie: “Maybe I should go along to keep an eye on Bridget.”

Narrator: Santa and Bucky thought that was a great idea.

Bucky : “Don’t you worry, Santa, we’ll all do fine.”

Narrator: Santa was not worried, for he knew that good community-spirited people can work magic.Timo had been snuggled among the presents on the sleigh and popped up like one of the jack-in-the boxes that children love so much
Timo: “So Marlow will have a Bucky White Christmas.”
(chortling)

Narrator: Bridget was fresh and excited, sure she could keep her footing. She allowed herself to be hitched to Santa’s sleigh and set off on her new adventure with Bucky driving. Charlie rode buck seat and whispered encouraging words to her. Onto Baine Road andWashington Pond Road, onto Fox Hill and Marlow Hill, onto Gustin Pond Road, down by Stone Pond and all over town, many children and some adults who had kept their imaginations alive thought they heard jingle bells (jingling) and a donkey bray (braying) on Christmas Eve. Alecia on Forest Rd. was awakened just enough to comprehend the sounds outside thought, “A donkey does go along with the most important Christmas story,” and she too fell asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HERE IS OUR 2007 SKIT done by MHS actors at our December First Christmas Celebration.

Rudolph Decides

by Loisanne Foster

Narrator - Bill Plotts
Rudolph - Adam Plumb
Snow Queen - Maarge Keith
North Wind - Art Schmid
Tompte - The Disappearing Elf

Narrator: Rudoph stands quietly outside Santa's workshop at the North Pole while snow floats around him, gently settling on his back and red nose. Tapity-tap-tap comes from inside the bright workroom, so many tappity-taps it sounds like rain, but it is not rain. It's the tiny elf hammers, but Rudolph doesn't hear. He's thinking.

Rudolph: Decision time!
Shill-I or shall-I? Shall I or shant I? Will-he or nil-he? Yes, me or no, me?

Narrator: Reindeer think like that.

Rudolph: Hokey or pokey? Should I still go, me?

Narrator: Rudoph's heart beats faster at the thought of guiding the sleigh through the skies. Since the first Christmas Eve he took the job, it has been his favorite. He still loves the sound of the wind whistling through his antlers. He loves to see the twinkling lights of villages far below,and he especially loves settling the sleigh gently on the roof of a house where he knows good children are sleeping. A lot has changed, though, for Rudoph since he hit 65. He isn'tquite the athlete he had been. Last winter he had had trouble on certain icy roofs, particularly in the little town of Marlow. His weary old bones say -

Rudolph: Nil-he. I just can't do it any more.

Narrator: A sudden gust of wind swirls the snow. From a swirl steps the sparkling Snow Queen. Her icy wand drives the snow in a circle at the Pole. It's not the North Wind until she sends him south.

Snow Queen: Why so pensive, my friend?

Rudolph: Huh?

Snow Queen: What are you thinking about?

Narrator: Rudolph clicks on his red-light nose to see her better.

Rudolph: Oh, Madame! Excuse me!

Snow Queen: Don't "madame" me. I'm liberated. So, what's knocking in your noggin?

(Rudolph hesitates.)

Rudolph: I am trying to make a decision.

Snow Queen: (soothingly) Can we talk about it?

(Rudolph paws the ground thoughtfully.)

Rudolph: I need time.

Snow Queen: I can leave you my card. Here is the Queen of Diamonds. You can call 1-800-POLE or go to www.frostareus.net for my advice column.

Narrator: Rudolph can see he's dealing with an expert, the Wisdom of the Ages wrapped in a diamond-studded gown. Although he knows the glitter will melt at the next hot flash, he decides to open up.

Rudolph: Well, -er, actually - I am trying to decide whether or not to guide Santa's sleigh again this year. I know I should give a two week notice if I quit, so I have to decide soon. I just don't know whatto do. I want to go. I really do. The sky travel is easy. The problem is landing on ice. I'm not as young as I was. Night driving is tough. Some roofs are pretty tricky, and I'm not getting any younger.

Snow Queen: (whipping out her notebook) "For instance?"

Rudolph: The biggest problem on my mind is the little New Hampshire town of Marlow. Last year the icy crust was so thick and hard I couldn't land on the roofs. I actually slid off the Plotts' roof and dragged the whole team behind me, sleigh and all. Santa's "Ho-ho-ho" changed to "Oh-oh-oh" and "No! No! No!" It was embarrassing.

Snow Queen: I'm sure Santa understood the problem.

Rudolph: What was even more humiliating - a donkey named Bridget, a GIRL, mind you, got to deliver toys to the Marlow children.

Snow Queen: I'm sure everyone was kind.

Rudolph: Oh, yes. Everyone was kind, TOO kind. Know what I mean?

Snow Queen: Yes, I know those small towns. There are more do-gooders than good to be done, but don't take it hard. With luck, the do-gooders' good doo overflows to other places. They are kind people.

Rudolph: Yes, they are. I even got oats and carrots while I was waiting for Charlie and Bucky to help Bridget deliver packages. Then three boys came over and wanted to polish my hooves. I'm sure they didn't do it as a mean trick, but it only made my slipping problem worse.

Snow Queen: I'm sure they meant well.

Rudolph: Funny thing about those three boys. They were about the same size and I swear they looked alike. If I had a problem with the bottle...

Snow Queen: Hush! This is family entertainment.

Rudolph: Oh, right! I would have thought they were twins and a half.

Snow Queen: Do you mean triplets?

Rudolph: That's it - triplets! Preposterous!

Snow Queen: You must have been over-tired from your long journey. No wonder you slipped of the Plotts' roof!

Rudolph: There WERE three look-alike boys and that roof WAS slippery.

Snow Queen: (soothingly) No doubt. No doubt. Now, let's get down to business. Let's take Marlow as a typical small New England town and decide whether or not it is worth the risk for you to go at your age.

Rudolph: Marlow is hardly typical.

Snow Queen: Let's take it anyway. As your counselor, I counsel you to call in an expert counsel, perhaps one familiar with New Hampshire and one who specializes in decision-making.

Rudolph: That's the way you counselors work.

Snow Queen: Exactly. I'm going to call in the North Wind on your case. He visits Marlow often, especially in the winter.

Narrator: The Snow Queen waves her glittering wand. In a sudden swirl of snow, the North Wind appears, looking dazed.

Snow Queen: (to North Wind) I need you to focus here.

North Wind: It's hard to focus when you have been circling the Pole for days waiting for Her Majesty to brew up a storm to send south to New England.

Snow Queen: Don't worry, Boris. We'll have snow down there for Christmas this year, lots of it. (She chuckles meaningfully.) I want you to remember what you saw in Marlow last winter.

North Wind: I lost my notes. They blew away on Route 10 somewhere between Lempster and Gilsum.

Snow Queen: I see. Well, try to recall. Do the people of Marlow take good care of their forests and waters? Do they respect the earth?

North Wind: They are making progress. In the 1930's, they used to dump their trash into the Ashuelot, but today they recycle. At Town Meeting they voted "No box stores." The Conservation Commission meets monthly.

Snow Queen: That's wonderful, Rudolph!

North Wind: They even seem interested in protecting salamanders who want to cross the road.

Rudolph: What's a salamander?

North Wind: It's a teeny-tiny dragon.

Rudolph: Oh.

Snow Queen" Let's stay on task here! What about their history? Are Marlow people preserving that?

North Wind: Well, they have been a little careless with their history. It didn't get written until 1937.

Snow Queen: When was the Town granted?

North Wind: In 1761, I believe.

Snow Queen: Bad. Very bad.

North Wind: But now they are trying to make up for it - research and all that. It's a little like Hansel and Gretel trying to follow the crumbs home through the forest after years had passed. The historical society is working to save historical buildings.

Rudolph: Tell me a story.

Snow Queen: (turning to Rudolph sharply) Not now, Rudolph!

Rudolph: I know Hansel and Gretel. They are old now. Gretel is into family counseling in Minneapolis and Hansel is running a child-protection agency.

Snow Queen: (ignoring him) So, what took them so long to record their history?

North Wind: Well, at first they were too busy trying to stay alive in YOUR climate.

Snow Queen: Moving on... Is Marlow well-behaved? Do the people respect the laws?

North Wind: I'll have to get back to Ken Avery on that.

Snow Queen: We'll assume they do. Do they continue to help each other? I'd like some supporting details here.

North Wind: Ah - I lost my notes between...

Snow Queen: Let's go inside and look at the monitor.

Narrator: Once inside the workshop, they step over piles of dolls and sleds and jumbles of other toys and tiptoe to a wide screen. Smells of cinnamon and sugar cookies waft from the kitchen.

North Wind: I see the Marlow homes through the trees tonight, but I don't see anyone moving.

Rudolph: No wonder! It's too cold outside. But look in that window. A family on Church Street is decorating a tree. The tree is leaning. I can see only the back end of Dad.

North Wind: Mom is not smiling.

Rudolph: All the children have their arms crossed. The cat is playing on the floor in a tangle of tree light cords.

Snow Queen: This is a test.

North Wind: Dad has backed out from under the tree.

Rudolph: But the tree is still crooked.

Snow Queen: The children are taking turns putting lights on the tree. Mom seems to say it's all right.

Rudolph: Mom is hugging Dad. Awww! Isn't that sweet! We shouldn't be watching.

Snow Queen: So, a typical Marlow family deals well with life's little bumps. How do they treat their neighbors?

North Wind: It's hard to tell when no one is outside.

Snow Queen: Good point.

Narrator: An elf stands by to eavesdrop.

Tompte ( elf): It's too cold out there for man or beast. No one is skating. All the cats are in.

Rudolph: My point exactly. I'm too old for this sort of thing.

Snow Queen: No, Rudy, you have a nice fur coat! (Turning to the elf) You go call Charlie Strickland and find out exactly how cold it is down there. (Elf exits.)

Rudolph: Look! here comes Sharon Davis to her car. She is so bundled up I can barely see her eyes. What is she carrying?

Snow Queen: It's chicken soup. Someone down there must have a cold.

North Wind: There goes Tony Davis out the door with a can of gas. Must be headed for that car stopped on Sand Pond Road.

Snow Queen: The one with the man pacing around it, beating his arms against his body?

North Wind: That's the one.

Snow Queen: Isn't that Tony Davis fellow the one who got his pals together to plant all those elm trees Marlow Historical Society bought?

North Wind: That's the one.

Snow Queen: A man after my very own heart!

Rudolph: Look through the door of Bonnie's store. See that huge mound of presents around a tree in there. Who are they for? Where did they come from?

North Wind: They're for children who wouldn't have much of a Christmas celebration without a little help. People find just the right gifts and get elves to drop them off at the store. You might call them Santa's helpers.

Rudolph: How do they know they are the right gifts?

Snow Queen: It's magic.

Rudolph: I don't believe in magic.

North Wind: Well, you're a great one to say that! You fly a sleigh.

Rudolph: I mean -

Snow Queen: Of course, Rudy! It's the magic of Christmas that opens people's hearts. We just hope it lasts through spring, summer, and fall.

Rudolph: That does it! I just have to go. I just have to reach Marlow again!

Snow Queen: I knew you would! If it's slippery again, I know that donkey Bridget will help you.

Rudolph: But -

Snow Queen: We all need a little help now and then.

Rudolph: I just had to work this through. You have both been helpful. How much do I owe you for the consultation?

Snow Queen: Consider it a gift to the folks in Marlow.

Rudolph: Thank you. They are worth it. They definitely are worth it!

Narrator: So, once again, Santa's sleigh will make it all the way to Marlow guided by our friend Rudolph. Children, if you hear clattering on the roof Christmas Eve, it could be Rudolph. Then again, it could be our sure-footed friend Bridget helping Rudolph once more.

THE END


2008 MPR skit:

Marlow Christmas “Radio Skit,” 2008
MPR: Marlow Public Radio

Can Anyone Replace Rudolph?

Narrator
Rudolph - The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Alice Britton - Marlow stage coach/school bus driver
North Wind - member of the interview committee
Bridget - member of the interview committee;
Charlie Strickland’s donkey
Tompte - chief elf; chair of Santa’s interview committee
Bambi - applicant; Disney creation
Toth - applicant; Nubian goat from Plottshaus

Narrator:

The scene is the Selectmen’s Office in the tiny town of Marlow, New Hampshire. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, plans to retire, and Santa needs someone new to guide the sleigh, so a committee of experts has been formed to interview candidates for the position. You would think the interview committee would be meeting at the North Pole. The first test of a good candidate is whether or not he can make it to the interview, but the committee decided that getting to Marlow from the outside world would be challenge enough.

In fact, it was Marlow that first made Rudolph consider retirement. Yes, after dozens of years and thousands of miles, his old bones were beginning to creak and his eyes weren’t as sharp as they had been, but he had never missed a roof, that is, until that fateful Christmas Eve of freezing rain in Marlow when Rudolph had slipped off the Plotts’ roof pulling the whole team and sleigh to the ground. No dolls or bones were broken, but some of the toys had ejected their batteries which skittered over the yard on the crust. Then Charlie Strickland’s sure-footed donkey, Bridget, was deputized to guide the sleigh in Marlow.

Tompte, Santa’s chief elf, chairs the committee. He chose Rudolph, the North Wind, and Bridget to help interview the candidates. The first is Bambi.

Tompte: Why do you believe you are qualified to guide Santa’s sleigh
in rural places like Marlow?

Bambi: First, I was born here, so I am used to cold and wild winter weather. Second, you will notice that I never grow old. I still have my spots, so I am in it for the long run. Third, I can deal with crises. In 1941, I escaped Marlow’s forest fire.
#

Rudolph: Suppose the night is cloudy. How do you intend to light the
way?

Bambi: I have thought of that. My friend Thumper has promised to
come along and and carry a Christmas lantern. Besides,
he is good at warning of danger, and he can thump on the
roofs so the children will be sure to know we have arrived.

North Wind: How do you plan to deal with the icy blasts?

Bambi: I have a fur coat with a fur collar.

Bridget: What in your personality might make you a poor candidate
for this position, and how do you plan to overcome that?

Bambi: I admit I am cautious and even shy, but caution can be a good
thing. It’s wise to avoid trouble and balance my natural curiosity. I am working on the shyness.

Rudolph: I’d like to know how you would respond to this situation from
back in the 1920’s. It was snowing heavily. Just as we were descending into Marlow, we noticed someone in trouble. It was Alice Britton, Marlow’s stage coach driver. Being a modern woman, she had changed with the times and become a school bus driver. There she was late at night with that school bus off the road near the Profile and no one to help her.

FLASHBACK (A CHILD HOLDS UP A LARGE FLASHBACK SIGN.)

Rudolph: Hello, Ma’m. May we help you?

Alice: Do I hear angels? Angels comin’ to carry me home?

Rudolph: No, Ma’m, but we have this sleigh.....

Alice: Swing low, sweet chariot!

Rudolph: Sleigh, Ma’m.

Alice: Whatever.

Rudolph: Just wait until I unhitch. Then I’ll pull you out of this ditch.
3

Alice: I see a red star! Hitch your wagon to a star!

Rudolph: That’s just my nose, Ma’m.

Alice: Your nose?! My nose is often red, but never that red!

Rudolph: Here, Ma’m, let me help you up.

Alice: Up? How high are we going? I’m already dizzy.

Rudolph: Just to your feet, Ma’m.

Alice: All right.

Rudolph: What happened here, Ma’m? You seem a bit tangled.

Alice: I was just on my way home from one of those Alstead
holiday dances. My designated driver had had a little too much
of the hard cider, but not I. I decided I could make it on my own back to Marlow Village.

Rudolph: I’ll pull your vehicle out, Ma’m, then we can hitch it to the back of the sleigh. Where in the village shall we take you?

Alice: Almost across from the school house. Do you know the Parker place?

Rudolph: Yes, I do.

Alice: Well anyway, when I got near the Profile, it was snowing to beat the band, and one of those snow snakes must have
crossed the road about then.

Rudolph: Snow snakes, Ma’m?

Alice: You know, those snakes that crawl around under the snow
after parties and dances and cause people to fall and slide into
ditches.

Rudolph: I see, I think they are active after a freezing rain too.

Alice: They be the ones. They made my bus slide right off the road.

#

Rudolph: Don’t worry Ma’m. We’ll see you safely home.

Alice: Just pull me out. I’ll be all right. Marlow children are waiting for you.

Narrator: Now we cut back to the Marlow Town Offices.

Rudolph: (to the audience)We pulled Alice out and hitched her behind the sleigh. She was singing and hooting and hollering all the way. She kept leaning out, and I thought we were going to lose her. The morning star was just disappearing when we delivered the last packages on Marlow Hill.

(to Bambi) So, Bambi, how would you have handled that situation?

Bambi: Since my first priority would have been delivering gifts to the children, I think I would have pulled out her vehicle, but not put my whole mission at risk by hauling her back to town.

Tompte: A wise decision. (He glares at Rudolph.) Thank you for your time, Bambi. You may be hearing from us.

Bambi: I hope you will consider my eternal youth. Thank you.
(Bambi leaves.)

Tompte: Our next candidate is Toth, a dwarf Nubian goat from the Plotts’ place. Please be seated, Toth.

Toth: I prefer to stand....or lie down in hay.

Tompte: Interviewees are normally seated.

Toth: All right. (He takes a seat.)

Tompte: What makes you believe you are qualified to guide Santa’s sleigh?

Toth: I come from the north part of Africa where the weather can be extreme in the desert, hot or cold. I belong to a hardy race,
and I can go for a long time on a handful of hay or a few
dry weeds. Of course, at the Plotts’ house, I have plenty of grain, but I’m tough, Besides, goats are as sure-footed as donkeys.

#

North Wind: But you are so small! Are you sure you can pull your weight?

Toth: The ad said “guide,” not “pull.” Anyway, goats do pull carts
and sleighs. In Sweden and Norway, it’s always the goats who pull the sleigh for the elves.

Rudolph: And how will you guide the sleigh? How will you know where
you are going?

Toth: That’s easy. Birds will show me.

Rudolph: Birds?

Toth: In Scandinavia, we leave bunches of rye hay for the birds. The
birds are our friends.

Rudolph: But do they know the way?

Toth: Of course! Didn’t you ever hear the saying, “A little bird told me”?

North Wind: Can’t the birds be blown off course?

Toth: Don’t the geese return to Marlow to nest every spring? Don’t
the robins find their way back?

Rudolph: But those are not winter birds here.

Toth: I will invite snow birds.

Rudolph: All right, as long as they don’t insist on bringing their skis and
snow boards on the sleigh. We need room for the presents.

Tompte: Those are our only candidates. Shall we take a vote?

Bridget: Bambi seems able, but I worry about stamina. No matter how old Bambi is, he is still a baby.

North Wind: Thumper didn’t come to the interview. We have no way of
judging his interest or sincerity.

Rudolph: I wouldn’t question the sincerity of a Disney character, but I’m
worried.

#

Tompte: How about Toth?

North Wind: Toth is so tiny! Goats are quirky! They eat tin cans!
He might develop an appetite for tin soldiers.

Rudolph: I just don’t know. It seems to me that, even with my aging
problems, I have the better portfolio of work experience. I
have the red beacon, and, with the recent economic downturn, frankly, I’m concerned that the timing for my retirement is a little
premature. Santa is a generous employer, but my stock portfolio is pretty thin right now. I need a magnifying glass to find my retirement account balance.

Tompte: But these folks need jobs too! They seem worthy. We can’t
just turn them out in the cold during the holiday.

North Wind: I don’t think Santa is hiring right now. In fact, he has cut back
on elf hours.

Rudolph: But this isn’t ordinary business. Our mission statement reads,
“All stockings filled and new toys in every house.” If all the toys
are not delivered, then our mission fails.

Tompte: You are right. As Santa’s deputy, I’ll take it upon myself to rehire you and, to make your job easier, also hire Bambi and
Toth to help you.

Rudolph: Bambi can run ahead to check for icy crusts and such. Thumper is light enough to ride in the sleigh with the Velveteen
Rabbit. He can warn of danger and thump on roofs for fun.

North Wind: What about Toth?

Tompte: Since he is small and nimble, he can make it down narrow
chimneys, and his birds will help us find the best routes. This
should increase efficiency.

North Wind: Speaking of efficiency, if you encounter a problem like
Alice Britton’s again, shouldn’t you use a cell phone to call for help in the future?

Rudolph: Yes, now that the technology is available, why not use it?

#

Tompte: Indeed!

Rudolph: This is wonderful! We have just raised the percentage of employed, and all of Marlow’s children and other children
in hard-to-reach places will find magical surprises on Christ-
mas morning.

Tompte: The good people of Marlow, so filled with good will all year, and their good children deserve our best effort.

Rudolph: (addressing the audience) With a lot of help from my friends,
I'll be serving you again this year guiding Santa’s sleigh. May
peace be at your hearth and joy at your table. Good night to
all!

[Loisanne Foster]

Tubbs' Tiny Tablets

Abisha Tubbs was among Marlow's early settlers. He married Solomon Mack's sister Hepzibah (Hebrew for "My joy is in her.") and showed Solomon how to make saltpeter (presumably for gun powder) just before the American Revolution, after which Solomon went from town to town showing others how to do it. Abisha's house, built soon after 1800, still stands today, the second house on the right on Baine Road on Giffin Hill, sometimes called Phelps Hill. The place was later was later occupied by the Phelps family. Some of the early worship services in Marlow were held in Abisha's house, and he accommodated the worshippers with many benches. Abisha is related to so many early Marlow families that almost all long-time Marlow residents can claim him as an ancestor. One of Abisha's modern-day descendants is John Salo.


Elgin's Elixir

That Elgin is, of course, Elgin Jones, whose parents gave us Jones Hall. Elgin was a carpenter, cabinetmaker, and sometimes clockmaker. One of his clocks was recently on display ay the Cheshire County Historical Society in Keene. Elgin traveled extensively in the U.S. He took part in town government and was on practically every Marlow committee formed in his life time. He also wrote our Marlow Town History. He died in the 1930's.


Huntley's Hound Drops

The Huntley family, of noble Scottish descent, was among the first to settle in Marlow. Like other early settlers, they hailed from Lyme, CT. They owned huge tracts of land, including Huntley Mountain. Many migrated to the West, but some remained. Their descendants would fill a telephone directory. Among their Marlow descendants today are Pat Strickland and Adam Plumb.


Mack's Mighty Midgets

Solomon Mack, Marlow's first settler, is also of Scottish ancestry, and also of Lyme, CT. Solomon is most known for publishing his life story in 1810 and fathering Lucy who married Joseph Smith, Sr. who fathered Joseph Smith, Jr. of the Mormons. Solomon's father was an Ebenezer, but it was, apparently, another relative named Ebenezer Mack who was one of Marlow's early Baptist preachers. Their many decendants populate the area today and are strewn to the west like a bucket of stars.